Monday, April 06, 2009

My Screaming Wife // 3

It's been a few months since Erica had a good scream. You may remember two previous posts about her screaming (first, second). Yesterday we broke that streak. Here's Erica's version of the story. Now it's time for mine.

We went to Fresno for the weekend to attend a funeral, spend time with Erica's family and hang out with Paul and Jenn before their baby arrives. We left Fresno yesternacht and started on our journey. We stopped for gas just off I-5 and Highway 33 and got some snacks as well. When we got back on the road I heard a strange noise coming from my side of the car. I wasn't sure what it was and it didn't sound like anything car-related so I thought nothing of it. A few minutes later I felt something on my neck. I reached to scratch and nothing was there. No big deal, right? Then I felt something again. This time when I reached - I felt a large bug (about 1.5 inches long). I grabbed for it and it climbed onto my hand. I then, very calmly said, "Erica, yawn, I'm going to roll down the window."

At this point in the story you may have one or two questions. The first one might be something like this, "Why did you tell her to yawn?" When you're traveling along a highway or interstate and you open the window - the air pressure changes and can sometimes hurt your ears. If you yawn it helps your ears adjust easier. The second questions might be, "Why did you calmly say that?" That's also easy. My wife does not like bugs!

So I opened the window and the bug jumped towards my face. I dodged it by doing the Night at the Roxbury headbop move.. At this point Erica is a little freaked out. "What are you doing?!" she exclaimed. I said, "There's a bug in here and I was trying to get it out." BIG MISTAKE. I should not have told her about the bug or that face that I had lost it INSIDE the CAR. I could see the panic in her face welling up. I tried to open the windows again and I could hear it making a strange noise somewhere by my head, but I didn't know where. I finally realized it was on my seatbelt where it connects to the side of the car. It then moved to my headrest. What I did next - you should not try at home, learn from my mistakes. I then told her exactly where it was. Erica took one look at it and then a large breath. Then it began. The scream. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She yelled and yelled and yelled. She said, "I can't do it! I can't do this! Pull over, pull over, pull over!!!!!"

What happened next terrified me. She unbuckled and latched onto the door handle. Need I remind you that we are traveling on the I-5 North, in the middle of Nowhere, Ca and I have not slowed down yet? I could just imageine what sort of logic is going through her brain. "My chances are better doing a tuck-and-roll out of this moving car on the freeway than with this mutant insect!" I pulled over through the bumpity-bumpity wake-up call slites in the pavement and screached to a halt. Erica jumped out of the car screaming, crying - hysterical. I can only imagine what the drivers passing by thought was happening. I found the bug, grabbed a plastic bag and put it inside. I contained it. But Erica would not come back in until I threw it out the window.

She slowly stepped back into the car, shut the door - crying and I comforted her. "It's okay, it's okay, it's gone." She slowly calmed herself and began the after-screaming-stage. Laughing. (What I didn't mention above was that the way she was reacting was actually making me laugh the entire time. I don't recommend you laugh at your screaming wife.) I slowly pulled back out on the the 5 and we were on our way again. A few minutes later I said, "I feel another blog post coming on."

Honestly, the bug looked like a mix between the two bugs below. A true mutant bug. It was large.

Giant grasshopper (Tropidacris cristata), Caribbean coast of Panama by artour_a.
When was the last time you had a good scream?

Technorati tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,


Lynn said...

You are lucky to be alive. If you had been my husband, it would have been YOUR seatbelt unhooked, and YOUR door handled grabbed as I shoved you and YOUR bug out YOUR door! Glad you both survived. Sounds like with all this screaming, you and Jim will have similar hearing issues. Good times in the sound booth! Should be interesting! LOL

Brian said...

If it looked anything like those two pictures I would have been freaking out.

David said...

that second bug is gigantic. jeez.

kellycha26 said...

LOL OMG this made me laugh. Poor Erica.